Tuesday, February 1, 2011


I've been really discouraged lately. If you've glanced at my weigh-in page, you'd see that last week I was at exactly 200.0 lbs. And then....I gain another pound this week.

I am SO frustrated. It has taken me NINE WEEKS to lose a freaking five pounds. Now, I understand that part of that was over the holidays, and I'm not beating myself up over that. But when I'm burning an average of 1200 calories per day, 5 days a week at the gym, and when I'm watching what I eat fairly carefully....all in all I should be losing 1-2 pounds every single week!

It's just so hard to keep trying so hard when I feel like I'm just a fat rat on it's little wheel. And it's not just that I've taken 9 weeks to lose 5 pounds. Well yes, that certainly is enough to make me want to pull all my hair out in an effort to lose some weight, but no, it's no even just that. It's that I am SO close to such a HUGE milestone. I have been pushing up to this 200 pound barrier for over 2 months! And I am so close! I am so furiously ready to have a "1" in front of my number...and keep it there forever! Maybe it wouldn't be sooo excruciating if I were bouncing around at 185-190, or 215-220. But it's. right. at. 200. AAAARGH!

What's just another piece of icing on the cake (actually, skip the icing...unless it's cream cheese. well, actually skip the cake too....unless it's cheesecake...). Okay, I guess that metaphor's kind of lost in a weight loss blog. But anyway, I had a killer run on the treadmill yesterday! I proved to myself that even though I haven't run since before Christmas, and haven't trained to run since before Thanksgiving, my fitness is such that I can just run now.

I did a total of 4 miles on the treadmill, which is the longest distance I've gone. During that, I ran a total of 2.5 miles! I ran 1 mile straight (which I totally didn't think I could do anymore), and then 3 1/2 miles! I absolutely shocked myself, and was so stoked about it. It makes me SO proud to see that my body can just do that whenever now.

And then, I went straight from the treadmill, and hopped on the scale. To see that, once again, I failed to get under 200 lbs, and actually, gained a pound.

So. Frustrating. I know that I will keep on going, but it sometimes feels like "what's the point". My body obviously doesn't want to get under 200. Regardless of what I do it feels. I have gotten some tests done to see if something is medically wrong, and I'm doing a "detox" right now, but it still just makes me feel hopeless.

Well, that's my vent. Hopefully things will look up next week.......