Tuesday, February 1, 2011


I've been really discouraged lately. If you've glanced at my weigh-in page, you'd see that last week I was at exactly 200.0 lbs. And then....I gain another pound this week.

I am SO frustrated. It has taken me NINE WEEKS to lose a freaking five pounds. Now, I understand that part of that was over the holidays, and I'm not beating myself up over that. But when I'm burning an average of 1200 calories per day, 5 days a week at the gym, and when I'm watching what I eat fairly carefully....all in all I should be losing 1-2 pounds every single week!

It's just so hard to keep trying so hard when I feel like I'm just a fat rat on it's little wheel. And it's not just that I've taken 9 weeks to lose 5 pounds. Well yes, that certainly is enough to make me want to pull all my hair out in an effort to lose some weight, but no, it's no even just that. It's that I am SO close to such a HUGE milestone. I have been pushing up to this 200 pound barrier for over 2 months! And I am so close! I am so furiously ready to have a "1" in front of my number...and keep it there forever! Maybe it wouldn't be sooo excruciating if I were bouncing around at 185-190, or 215-220. But it's. right. at. 200. AAAARGH!

What's just another piece of icing on the cake (actually, skip the icing...unless it's cream cheese. well, actually skip the cake too....unless it's cheesecake...). Okay, I guess that metaphor's kind of lost in a weight loss blog. But anyway, I had a killer run on the treadmill yesterday! I proved to myself that even though I haven't run since before Christmas, and haven't trained to run since before Thanksgiving, my fitness is such that I can just run now.

I did a total of 4 miles on the treadmill, which is the longest distance I've gone. During that, I ran a total of 2.5 miles! I ran 1 mile straight (which I totally didn't think I could do anymore), and then 3 1/2 miles! I absolutely shocked myself, and was so stoked about it. It makes me SO proud to see that my body can just do that whenever now.

And then, I went straight from the treadmill, and hopped on the scale. To see that, once again, I failed to get under 200 lbs, and actually, gained a pound.

So. Frustrating. I know that I will keep on going, but it sometimes feels like "what's the point". My body obviously doesn't want to get under 200. Regardless of what I do it feels. I have gotten some tests done to see if something is medically wrong, and I'm doing a "detox" right now, but it still just makes me feel hopeless.

Well, that's my vent. Hopefully things will look up next week.......

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Process Pictures

I'm taking pictures of my progress as I lose the weight. It definitely is great to see the change! So far, I have taken photos at the beginning-- 240 pounds, and at 210 pounds. I've started posting them on another tab, next to my weigh-in's. I did take some that are just me in my skivvy's, but obviously those are just for my own personal amazement of the change.

The ones I've posted are how I typically would look-- cute shirt, make-up etc. It really bothers me how most people post absolutely horrific "before" pictures. I think it shows a more accurate difference if you show fairly similar pictures. Of course you'll look better if "before" you're frowning and have acne and messy hair and sloppy clothes and "after" you're smiling and dressed up with makeup. Soooo, thus, I look nice in both. :) I did take some in more workout-ish clothes though too.

The things that I'm specifically excited about is the change in my face and my stomach/waist! I can really tell the difference. :) What's also neat, is even though I'm still about 20 pounds heavier (in the 210 lb pictures) than I was at my wedding, I feel like my face looks like it did then! I'm sure that's because I'm more toned and fit than I was then. It makes me excited to see what I'll look like when I actually am my wedding weight again!

Here's they are, but check the other tab for updates!

240 pounds:

210 pounds:

Finished: First Frigid 5K!!!

I know that I did my 5K nearly a month ago, but I still want to write something about it. So, here it is:

I did it!

I completed my first 5K race!

And it was freezing. Miserable freezing.

It wasn't as bad as it could be....I mean, the weather forecast the night before predicted it would be -14 degrees when we ran....and we had a balmy +10!

haha. yeah. brrrrrr.

My whole family (mom, dad, John, 2 sisters, 1 brother-in-law, 1 brother, 1 sister-in-law, and me) was doing it together, which was awesome. For more than half of us, it was our first 5K--or any race for that matter.

We all got there at 7:45am, even though our race didn't start until 9:15, because my little 4 year old nephew was running the kids 1K race. It was adorable....but kind of pitiful watching all those kids freeze as they were all huddled at the starting line.

So we had over an hour to wait. They had said they would have heated tents, but they lied. Really it was just some big tents, that once there were enough people in there, there was some body heat. Brrrrrrr. My feet were freezing. As in, felt prickly and then numb. So a few of us went back to the car to warm up before the race. Great idea. :)

When it was about to start, we geared up again. I changed my shoes, since I was wearing my Vibram Five Fingers. I was pretty worried about wearing them, since there wasn't much between my freezing feet and the snow. I did have some toe socks, but they weren't very thick at all.

As John and I walked toward the start line, we realized we weren't going to make it in time for the starting gun. Yikes! So, (and this was a truly brilliant idea) we jogged up the hill to get the start. Oh joy. I was kind of freaking out, since I was already out of breathe before I even started. Great. We got there just as the walkers in the race were heading out (people who were walking were at the end). I stopped to catch my breathe, and then started out, weaving between people and passing all the walkers.

Around the first corner I caught up to my Mom and sister. My mom was just going to do a bit of jogging and mostly walking, and my sister, though she's a marathoner, is pregnant (woohoo!!!!), so she was going to stay with Mom. I ran with them for a little while to cheer them on, then pressed on. Next I caught up to my other sister and bro-in-law. They had been doing the couch-2-5K program, so they were jogging quite a bit, but hadn't been able to finish the program. They were walking when I caught up, so I went between them, grabbed their arms and jogged for a while. :) BIL had a way faster jog than me, so he actually took off ahead of us, but then I caught up again and ran a bit more with him before I took off ahead again.

And then it happened.

My utter melt down.

I had passed all the family I thought I would catch up to, and it was just John and me.

My feet were freezing. Like little pins of ice were in my shoes.

I couldn't control my breathing, first because of the altitude, then because I was just freaking out.

I couldn't see far enough ahead to make myself mini-goals because of the sea of people, so I felt like I couldn't push myself.

And then I started whining. Whining like I haven't whined since I started this journey. It was more like whimpering actually. "I can't do this, I have to walk. I can't do this. There's no way. Why did I ever think I could do this. This was a horrible idea. I can't do this." And on and on.

John was with me....he didn't know what to do. He tried many tactics to help, firmly telling me that I could do it, telling me I just needed to push though it. Reminding me that this isn't who I am anymore, than I've changed, that I was talking like the old Diana. Encouraging me that I have proved to myself that I am strong, that I can push myself, that I have conquered so many things in the past 6 months. He was really wonderful, but really I just needed to get over my pity party.

I felt like a failure the first time I started walking. I was near the point of tears, hyperventilating, half of me freezing, half of me sweating. I think I made it about half a mile. I had to walk another 2 times before I got to a mile. I felt pathetic.

I had my mp3 player with me just in case I needed a boost. I love music...I love moving to the beat and losing myself in it, forgetting the pain and tiredness. So I started it up.

About a mile in, my feet finally warmed up. I had heard that that's the way they should work, is since all the muscles in my feet were working, I would have better circulation once they warmed up. And sure enough, once I'd been moving, they were actually quite cozy! What a relief. :)  The VFF's were great from then on.

I'm not sure if it was finally something John said, or if it just clicked in my head, but around 1.2 miles I fixed my attitude. I said to myself "Self, shape up. Just because you had an awful first mile, doesn't mean you can't be proud of yourself for the rest of it! You can totally do this...you've trained for this. Yes, nature threw some obstacles that suck, but you've pushed past barriers before. Now do this!"

And I did.

I blasted my music, started shedding my clothes (thank goodness that John was there, he was like my personal coat rack. He held my coat, my hat, my scarf....lol), and ran.

And I kept running. And it was okay. I got a hold of my breathing. I found a great rhythm. I even was singing along to some of my music! A little before mile 2, I caught up to my sister-in-law, Ira. This was her second 5K. We had thought we would run about the same pace, and maybe run the whole thing together, but since I got a late start, that didn't happen. I was so glad that I caught up and was able to run the last mile with her. It gave me that extra boost. Everything felt great. My attitude was way better, I felt optimistic about finishing, I was *relatively* enjoying being outside in the gorgeous valley with the mountains around, I had my music, was flanked by two great family members, it was good. And then.........the last corner!!!

I had a great sprint at the end. I was dyyyyyying, but it was great. I pushed hard and had an awesome finish. My brother was there at the finish line cheering us on. It's way easier to push hard at the end when you're running through a line of people cheering. :)

The race was actually 3.2 miles, instead of a true 5K which is 3.1. My actual 5K time was 42 minutes. Obviously, very, very slow compared to most people. But that was 42 minutes that I pulled my 205lb self along! The other thing that was awesome, is that my goal was 40 minutes. I was pretty happy with only being two minutes off given my pathetic 1st mile!

Overall, I feel like my meltdown was proportional to the difficulties that I hadn't been prepared for (artic cold, running in snow, altitude). I haven't beat myself up about it. I am just so proud that I bucked up and did the majority of the race strong. I proved to myself that I am strong, and that I can push myself, even when I think I can't.

But, even so, I will be doing another 5K here locally, just so I can say that I ran a 5K. Because I know I can. And it will be warmer....mmmmmm.

So, that's my story of the 2010 Bozeman MT Huffing For Stuffing race.....my first 5K! :)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


Hi *sheepish grin*

So.....it's been awhile......

Sorry. :(

I don't really know how to start up blogging again. It's exactly like when I've been journaling consistently, and then life happens, and I don't write at all for 3 months, and then I have no idea how to pick up my pen again, because so many things have happened,  and I just don't know where to start. Wow, and that was a really long run-on sentance. I really have been away from writing for a long time. lol

So anyway, I am planning on catching up on some posts retelling the events of the past 3 weeks, like my first 5K, my Thanksgiving trip with my family, my eating victories and woes, my switch to the Y, my choice to go see a Naturopath, my fierceness on the racquetball court, etc etc etc. Yeah, I told you I had a lot of catching up! But, this is my amends for leaving the blogosphere for so long. I've probably lost any readers I may have had by now. I'm going to back-date the catch-up posts (it makes me feel better), so if you care, make sure you notice that there will be some "older" ones.

During my absence, I have kept reading the weight loss blogs I follow. It's been really encouraging, even when I haven't been as good about writing. Several people have hit some amazing milestones in the past couple weeks! And I'm going to add to those soon......my number will soon have a "1" at the beginning!!

Sorry for the rambling post. I didn't really know how to begin, but I felt I needed to somehow "announce" my resolve to start up again. So.....here I am! :)

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Deserted for the Y

All my gym friends are abandoning me......for the YMCA.

There's a new Y opening up a few miles from my gym. It's the direct competion. My gym (the Wellness Center) is affiliated with Huntsville Hospital. It's really big, has tons of classes, great instructors, childcare, nutritionists, a pool (complete with sauna and hot tub), high quality trainers,, and all the equipment is always clean, working, and nearly always have openings. I've been very impressed with the quality of this gym. And everyone I see every day and have built relationships with were happy too.

Until the Y opened. The Y is very snazzy. It is way more kid friendly. Instead of having TV's that you just pick which station is the best (or most tolerable), each machine has it's own screen with cable, so you can watch whatever you want while you work out. The pool is amazing, and even has big beautiful sky-light and some really cool kids water areas. They have racquet ball courts....one of the only places in all of Huntsville (and the only one on this side of town).

And here's the kicker. They stole one of our favorite aerobic instructors. And at the Y she'll be teaching classes everyday instead of just 2 days a week at the Wellness Center.

Nearly all of the people that I've become friends with are switching within the next week or so. I'm still debating. They're both about the same cost per month, so that's not really an issue.

On the one hand, the Wellness Center has become my second home. It has, surprisingly, becoming my comfort zone. I know how to push myself there. I know all the people. I know that people see how hard I work out and respect me instead of wondering why there's a fat girl at the gym. I like my classes. I like my instructors. I have a feeling of loyalty there. This gym is what helped me lost 35 pounds. And, it's only 1-2 minutes away from my house (depending on if I make the stop light or not!). It is absolutely SO convenient, so I never have any excuse to not go.

But on the other hand, I have learned which instructors push me...which is what I need. And the one that switched, oh my goodness she will kick your butt (and your abs, triceps, quads, calfs, etc etc etc) every single time. I would love to have a class from her every day. Also, I really would love to play racquetball more. After my last experience, I'm kind of hooked on wanting to play more. I love the idea of having fun and not realizing that I'm burning tons of calories. And, there is something to say for that I love having friends with me working out that I know expect to see me everyday. And they will now be at the Y. The one downside is the distance. It's about 10 minutes away.

I'm not sure what I'll do you. John and I are going to visit and get a tour on Saturday, and then we'll probably decide next week.

What factors do you find most important in picking a gym?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


I felt like an absolute beast today.

In a good way. :)

I had pretty much the most awesome workout today. I made the gym cower to me!

Here's what I accomplished:

Burned 2150 calories!

Ran 2.0 miles straight!

It still seems pretty crazy to me!!! I think this qualifies as beastliness.

Here's what I did to burn all those calories:
90 minutes of high-cardio step classes
30 minutes of yoga (though I didn't were my heart rate monitor, so that doesn't add into my calorie count)
45 minutes of intense (i.e. feel like I'm going to die) running/walking
30 minutes of getting my butt kicked by trainer Dave

For my running, I was supposed to run either 20 minutes or 2 miles for my workout for the Couch-to-5-K program. Saying I was sceptical about it is a gross understatement. I gave myself about a 40% chance of running 2 miles, 70% odds for running 20 minutes. Earlier this week I've only been running 1.5 miles total, and that has been with walking breaks ever 1/2 or 3/4 mile. 2 miles? Yeah right!

But, I started. I ran the whole thing at 5.0mph (which is slightly faster than I have been running). I put my towel over the display so I wouldn't agonize over how much further I had. I was watching Price Is Right to distract me. At the end of every commercial break, I would let myself peak under the towel to see how much I'd done so far. The commercial breaks are the hardest to push through, because they're so boring. Except for the Big Bang Theory commercials....those are still funny. I love that show. :)

I felt like I was going to die at 3/4 mile. And then again at 1.15 miles. And then again, and again, and again. But every time when I wanted to walk, I had another reason I told myself why I could go just a little bit further.

The very last time when I felt like quitting, when I had gone 20 minutes (2 miles took me 23:30), I wanted to walk for just 20 seconds so badly, and almost did. But then I told myself, it's not worth it. As in, I was going to run 2 miles for the very first time. And if I walked for 20 seconds right at the end, every single time I told someone that I ran 2 miles, I would have to qualify it with "well, almost straight. I walked a little bit once." And I decided those 20 seconds wasn't worth it. I wanted nothing to cloud my victory of running 2 miles.

And so I kept going. The last .10 mile I pushed my speed up to 5.5 mph because I just wanted to be done so bad already! And I finished!!!! It took me 15 minutes of walking until my heart rate calmed down....but hey, more calories burned, right?

I'm so proud of myself. I'm actually thinking I may be able to run the whole 5K on Thanksgiving afterall!

And by golly, I better have lost a good number this week....I burned over 1/2 a pound just today, and that doesn't even include my deficit from eating! I'm really feeling good about this week. :)

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Vibram Five Fingers

So, I have officially gone crazy. I think I've become a fitness nut, disregarding all my social and fashion sense pursue my fitness goals with reckless abandon.

Okay, maybe it's not that bad. BUT, when I bought these shoes,


I pretty much though that's what it had come to.

See, when I first saw VFF's, it was back in May, right before I flipped my life upside down to get healthy. That was the unhealthy-fat-lethargic-mousey-Diana. I saw those shoes with John, my reaction was:

"Those are absolutely hideous, and I would never want you to even try them on!"

And now....just six months later.....I have them on my very own feet. Yes, go ahead and mock me now.

So, here's why I went from laughing at them to wearing them:

It started as I became more and more aware of fitness in general, and how our bodies are supposed to work. It's been a long process of learning for me, because I was treating my body like trash in pretty much every way at the beginning of the summer.

Here in Huntsville, these have become pretty popular. The first person I talked with who had them was my Pilates instructor. She absolutely loved them, and told me about how great they are for your posture and how they allow your foot to move and support your weight the way your foot was made to to do. She is a very cute, hip, fit person, and so that started to change my perception of that they maybe weren't so bizarre after all.

I saw more and more people wearing VFF's, and everyone loved them. By the end of the summer, my gym shoes were starting to wear out. Which, by the way, is pretty much awesome, seeing as I completely wore out a pair of good shoes in 4 months by working out so hard!

So, I told John I would be interested in doing some more research and trying some on. Here's some stuff I found on the Vibram website about the theory behind these weird shoes:

Many experts believe the shoes we wear not only cast the foot in a protective form, but also weaken our foot and leg muscles, leaving them underdeveloped and more prone to injury. And while there are many occasions where traditional footwear is essential for protection, safety, and security, it is equally important to stimulate and exercise the foot in a more natural state on a regular basis.

That’s why we recommend wearing FiveFingers for exercise, for play, and for fun. Stimulating muscles in your feet and lower legs will not only make you stronger and healthier, it improves your balance, agility and proprioception. 
Vibram FiveFingers is different than any other footwear on the planet. Not only do they bring you closer to your environment, they deliver a number of positive health benefits—by leveraging all of the body’s natural biomechanics, so you can move as nature intended.

6 Reasons to Wear VFF's:

1. Strengthens Muscles in the Feet and Lower Legs - wearing FiveFingers will stimulate and strengthen muscles in the feet and lower legs, improving general foot health and reducing the risk of injury.
2. Improves Range of Motion in Ankles, Feet and Toes – no longer ‘cast’ in a shoe, the foot and toes move more naturally.
3. Stimulates Neural Function Important to Balance and Agility - when wearing Vibram FiveFingers, thousands of neurological receptors in the feet send valuable information to the brain, improving balance and agility.
4. Improves Proprioception and Body Awareness – those same neurological receptors heighten body awareness, sending messages about body mechanics, form, and movement.
5. Eliminates Heel Lift to Align the Spine and Improve Posture – By lowering the heel, our bodyweight becomes evenly distributed across the footbed, promoting proper posture and spine alignment.
6. Allows the Foot and Body to Move Naturally, Which Just Feels Good.

So, that was enough to intrigue me. I mean, it makes sense to let our foot use every little muscle instead of encasing it in a running shoe. Also, I go barefoot and wear flip flops a lot anyway, so I thought the transition might not be too weird.

So, I took the plunge.

I've had them for a week now. I must be honest, it hasn't been an instant success. But, supposedly some people need up to a few weeks to fully transition. 

One thing I can notice a difference in is the way it uses my muscles. Like, OH MY GOSH MY CALVES!!!!! I've been wearing them every other day, and the evening and day after I wear them, my calves are soooooo sore. Which is awesome. Because, well, I want rock hard calves. I guess that I just use the balls of my feet a whole lot more, and that's why my calves get a crazy workout. Also, after I've been wearing them for a while, my little toe muscles --like the ones I never knew I had-- start getting really tire and somewhat sore. Hopefully after another week my muscles will have caught up.

Another thing I didn't realize is that my toes are funny lengths. I had never realized this, but my 4th toe is way shorter than it should be. Instead of having a gentle slope from my big toe to my pinkie toe, the 4th one is actually only a teenie bit taller than the pinkie toe. Not a big deal, something I'd never noticed....until I wore FiveFingers. Now all of a sudden, it's like a glove where I'm missing half a finger! I can move all my toes, except if I try to move that little 4th one, it feels like it could slip out of it's little toe spot! Not good. I think it's just something to get used to and won't cause a problem. I think it's funny that I never had noticed that about my toes until the VFF's. Oh well, learn something new every day!

So far in the gym it's been good to use them. I really enjoy running in them; it's more of a barefoot running style --running with a midsole strike instead of a heel strike. My shins haven't hurt as much either when I'm running with these.

One thing that's weird about them is feeling different sensations. Like, in my step classes, I can completely feel the texture of the step, but even though it seems like I'm feeling it with my foot, the sensation I get is that my foot is rubber. That seems confusing, but it's the best way I can explain it. The grip is also something to get used to....it's a lot more grippy than tennis shoes.

That's my analysis for now. I'll let you know how they hold up when I run my 5K in the frigid cold of Montana. So far though, I think I'll like them.

Go ahead and judge me.....do you think the VFF's are weird?